The Bets: Sunday 9/10/23
That was a thrill.
The itch has been scratched, but now we have a whole slate of beautiful football.
The best part is, this shit is easy. If it weren’t for Porn addict Skyy Moore, the bank would look nice right about now.
And who names their kid “Skyy” with two y’s? fucking stupid.
I also have to mention Mr. Kadarius Toney. He must read the blog since he did not want KC to cover. Dude fucking stinks.
ANYWAY, we made Game 1 our bitch. Easy money. Let’s take this big plate of games and wreck it. 2-1 (ignorant parlay only loss) to go +2.24 Units to bring our total to…
+4.81 Units (+7.32 Lifetime)
Like, part of me really thought that my picks while writing would be so bad and I would be lucky to be at -50 Units right about now, but we’re cooking. Come watch the show.
I’m the baby, and this slate is the peanut butter. Slather me up because I’m rolling in picks. #TailZabe I guarantee a profit, or the next blog is FREE!
Check out all of my plays on my Action Network mobile page!
Arizona Cardinals @ Washington Commanders 12:00 pm CST
(Commanders -7, O/U 38.5)
Gross.
When a game’s total is this low in week 1, you most likely won’t want to watch it.
That is, if you don’t want that dough though bro.
Arizona is openly tanking, while also saying “omg we are so committed to Kyler Murray, we love his Twitch stream”
If you didn’t know, there is such a thing as a cap minimum, where you HAVE to spend X amount of dollars in order to avoid being fined for not paying your team and just soaking up the collective bargaining agreement that the Owners have.
So, what did Arizona do this off-season? They literally found players that EVERY OTHER TEAM would not pay the vet minimum to (800K - 1M) and they paid them TRIPLE that.
Savage? Yes. But then coming back and making your injured QB who likely won’t play this season a captain? C’mon man.
On the other side of the ball, Dan Snyder is out of town. This is the first home game where the fans know when they buy the ticket, the gear, and the food, it is all NOT going to Snyder. This place is going to be ROCKIN. The boys are back in town.
As a Dallas fan, I am supposed to hate the Redskins Football Team Commanders, but honestly, I find myself rooting for them more often than not.
I can’t even call them Dallas’ little brother, more like the little cousin that your Aunt and Uncle had completely by accident. He’s 20 years younger than you and has a speech impediment. He’s annoying and asks you to race in the backyard. Sometimes you throw the guy a bone but that’s just so he doesn’t throw himself into traffic.
Well, little cousin went to speech class and Dan Snyder is out, so now we’re talkin.
Washington Commanders -7 (-110)
Risk 1 Unit to win 0.91
Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens 12:00 pm CST
(Ravens -9.5, O/U 43.5)
If you read the season preview blog, you know what’s coming.
Lamar Jackson got some “toys” this offseason. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of them solved his IBS.
The WRs that his team went out and got him are all… meh. None of them blow the doors off when it comes to game-breaker ability.
Rashod Bateman, OBJ, Zay Flowers, Nelson Agholor, and Devin Duvernay. If we are being COMPLETELY honest…. Nobody in that WR room is a WR1 on ANY team in the AFC (Besides the Patriots… maybe…)
That includes the team they are playing against, the Texans.
CJ Stroud inherits Nico Collins, Bobby Trees, Dalton Schultz, and Dameon Pierce with an average Offensive Line and a solid-ass Defensive pass rush on the other side of the ball.
Houston is a team that did tank last year, no reason for them to go back to the well with that this year. They are in a bad division (Jags you stink too) and that locker room honestly believes they have a shot at the division.
They don’t have a shot to win the south, but they believe they do. Bet the Texans as dogs until the number is more realistic. This line should be closer to 4.5
Houston Texans +9.5 (-105)
Risk 1 Unit to win 0.95
Philidelphia Eagles @ New England Patriots 3:25 pm CST
(Eagles -3.5, O/U 45)
The Eagles were a solid team last year. Complete cakewalk of a schedule and path to the Superbowl, but a good team nonetheless.
But that was when their signal caller was on a rookie contract. The dude got PAID, so naturally, the team became worse.
Losing CJ Gardner-Johnson, Marcus Epps, and TJ Edwards is TOUGH. I don’t care how many Georgia players you draft to fix that. You have a serious problem on your hands.
Pair that with Bill Belichick coming out of a breakup with her long-time girlfriend, he is going to be ready for WAR.
Bill still holds a grudge for his loss in February of 2018 to this team, he’s out for blood.
Tom Brady is in the house as well. How do you not bet on the Pats here? I may take them Moneyline, but stick with taking points for now
New England Patrots +3.5 (-105)
Risk 1 Unit to win 0.95
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears 3:25 pm CST
(Bears -1.5, O/U 41.5)
DA BEARS
Jordan Love is not that guy. I don’t care what he did in training camp! Your top (and maybe only) passing game weapon is out in Christian Watson, and the line didn’t even flinch in the Bears’ favor.
That does tell me that Sharps LOVE the Pack here. They are the home team, but let’s be real here. This is personal for the Bears.
The un-vaxed cancer is out of Green Bay, and Chicago has to take advantage. They need to build the leverage that they are no longer the punching bag in this rivalry.
I truly believe this offense is going to be legit. DJ Moore is an unreal addition, I can’t stress this enough. Not just in the fact that he himself is an amazing player, but his sheer presence does make everyone around him better due to the attention he will attract.
The Defense for Chicago is shit, but I don’t think it is shit enough for Jordan Love to score enough points to make the over hit.
I do have one play from a trusted source on this game. Going to make it an official pick for the blog, so shout out to code-name “Tempe”
You’re a real one.
To the point of DJ Moore making everyone else great, who was the man that the Bears (Embarassingly) traded the 33rd overall pick for?
That’s right. They are going to show that Claypool isn’t a bum ass fuck that needs to fucking focus on goddamn football like a mature man that is getting paid millions to do a job that I grew up wishing I could and cut the TikTok shit out.
He’s getting yards.
Chicago Bears -1.5 (-106)
Risk 1 Unit to win 0.94
Chicago Team Total OVER 20.5 (-120)
Risk 1.2 Units to win 1
“Tempe” pick of the week: Chase Claypool OVER 16.5 Yards (-110)
Risk 2 Units to win 1.82
Miami Dolphins @ Los Angeles Chargers 3:25 pm CST
(Chargers -3, O/U 50.5)
WE GOT AN OFFICIAL LOCK OF THE DAY BRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Same thing with the Eagles and their QB getting paid. Herbert blew a 5 score lead and you pay the man.
THEN the Chargers didn’t play anybody in preseason. If you don’t remember, when that happened last year SO many teams came out slow because of it.
The Chargers are not good enough to break this rule. The defense is sus, the RB wants out, the WR’s have hamstrings made out of Sargento String Cheese.
Don’t get me wrong, Miami will have struggles. But those WRs in Waddle and Hill are too good to not put up points. Their defense I am REAAALLLY high on. I think they are going to be sneaky good.
Top 5 unit in the AFC good….
LOCK OF THE DAY BABAY
Miami Dolphins +3 (-110)
Risk 2.5 Units to win 2.27
Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants
(Cowboys -3.5, O/U 45.5)
I have not stopped thinking about this game. Giants hosting their division rivals and they are underdogs? Get the fuck out of here.
Then I started thinking. The Giants did get Waller this off-season, which is HUGE for their passing game. But (somehow) their wr core becomes WORSE.
The defense made no changes, and fatso Brian Daboll showed his dumb ass brain off in the playoffs by PUNTING ON THE OPONENTS 40 YARD LINE while he was TRAILING by 21 in the 4th quarter. He really thought he had a better shot getting three more possessions than converting a 4th and 6
Dallas on the other hand, BEEFED this team up. Their entire defensive line is entering the season healthy (First time since 2019). Added Stephon Gilmore to lock down half of the field, and Brandin Cooks to open up the passing game.
Dak stinks, yes, but this is a team that will GRIND out their opponents on both sides of the ball. I think this will be the best defense in the league, paired with a top 5(ish) offense. Top 10 more realistically with your crutch of a sleep number quarterback.
In full disclosure, yeah I know Dallas didn’t play starters in the pre-season. But I love the Cowboys and hate the Chargers so I get to ignore that stat on the Boys. Tell me how much of a fuck I am in the comments.
Take this pick. You will be happy you did.
Dallas Cowboys -3.5 (-102)
Risk 2 Units to win 1.96
Dallas Cowboys Alternate Line -13.5 (+350)
Risk 0.75 Units to win 2.63
Zabe’s Futures
In this section, I will keep track of any futures that I will be placing for The Blog.
December 11, 2022: CASHED
Georgia to win the NCAAF Championship (-130)
Risk 4 Units to win 3.08
Zabe’s Past
2022 Total (October start): +2.51 Units
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